I know we’re not used to crying in public… especially when all of our friends and family are looking at us. It can seem like it’s one thing have a wee cry at someone else’s wedding when you’re safely in the crowd and nobody is looking at you… and entirely another if you’re the centre of attention. But if you’re doing everything you can to avoid crying at your own wedding… what are you missing out on?
Depending on what it is you’re doing to avoid crying… it can be a lot. Trying to tune out what I’m saying, or think of what you’re going to do later, not looking at your husband or wife to be, or not touching them might all do the trick. But every one of these tactics comes at the expense of really experiencing the shared words and feelings of your wedding day… one of the biggest days of your life.
And why do couples do this? Because it feels awkward to let your friends and family see you cry. (Chances are good more than a few of them are crying too.) Because you don’t want to wreck your make up. (It can be touched up and waterproof mascara is a wonderful thing). Because people might not be able to understand you when you say your vows. (Even if they can’t, they’ll get the gist). Because if you start you might not stop (believe me, you will stop). Because it’s not ‘tough’ to cry. (So what.) When they’re written down rather than being vague thoughts in your head, do any of these reasons seem good enough to avoid engaging in your wedding ceremony?
I’m 100% not saying if you don’t cry you’re not doing it right… but crying (happy tears) is one natural and understandable response to marrying the person you love, to putting into words (whether they be the words I’m saying, or the words you’ve chosen to say to one another) the love you feel for him or her.
And I promise I will help you to mitigate the effects. Whether it’s choosing words that aren’t as likely to set you off… or subtly altering your vows for you, so instead of reading them or repeating after me, all you have to say is I do (I’ve done this during a ceremony before when it became clear a groom wasn’t going to be able to say his vows, and nobody had any clue anything had changed except the bride and groom)… or giving you a minute to collect yourself… or saying something slightly ridiculous – sometimes a laugh is all it takes to make the tears more manageable… I’ll even make sure there are tissues on hand.
So please, look at each other, hold hands and feel the feelings on your wedding day, wherever that takes you.
Wherever you’re planning to get married, congratulations and happy planning!
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